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Dead (or Alive?) in the water


Dead or Alive Dimensions (no relation to Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions) has gathered a lot of media attention recently after it went the way of Mortal Kombat in it’s bout against the Australian Classification Board (did someone say fatality?).

Fighting game related puns aside, Dead or Alive has joined Mortal Kombat on the “Australia Says No” list due to its controversial content. But what controversial content is that I hear you ask?

Well let’s approach it logically. Mortal Kombat, also a fighting game (in case you live on the moon), was banned for the excessive violence displayed in its executions. So logic dictates that DoA must have been banned for something similarly offensive right? Wrong.

Australia has followed such great countries as Sweden in banning this scantily clad fighter on the basis that it has secretly been child pornography all along. That’s right kids, all those matches of Dead or Alive that you had over the years were actually you succumbing to your sick urges generated by the fact that some of the characters which look to be in the exact same physical state (ie. Age) as the rest of them were actually penned as being 17 when you read the biographies.

Shock, horror! Somebody alert Maude Flanders because obviously we should be thinking of the children. If they go into Dead or Alive Dimensions and select one of these particular characters in the Photography Mode and angle the camera just right then they will get to see the upper thighs and maybe even a little of the undergarments of a 16 year old.

That’s insane! Definitely not at all what I had always thought to be the point of Dead or Alive: Beach Volleyball (which was approved in Australia).

As of right now Nintendo is reappealing the game looking for a MA15+ or any lower rating than being banned but to be honest the whole situation just makes me laugh. Are we really that much of a nanny state that we worry about kids seeing the computer generated thighs of a woman whose only distinct difference to the rest is that some text in a biography somewhere says she is 16? I mean kids go to the beach right? You know there are topless chicks there on occasion?

Not to mention the internet.

Anyway for Dead or Alive fans keep an eye on the site and I’ll provide an update when the classification board re-reviews the game. For everyone else, feel free to join me in a deprecating chuckle and a fairly large /facepalm. 

UPDATE: Dead or Alive has been reviewed and bumped up to an M rating. Meaning exactly the same people who could buy it as PG can buy it now. Meaning this whole thing was a colossal waste of time and money. Good going Australia!

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