So, you like the Xbox 360. You know everything there is to know about Microsoft's latest and greatest console.
You're a fan. But are you a true internet expert? Are you a fanBOY?
Online, the console wars are raging non-stop. If you don't want to get slaughtered, you need to know how to handle yourself. But worry not: gameplayer's got your back.
(Make sure you check out the other side of the fence, with our Idiot's Guide to Being a PS3 Fanboy article.)
The first thing to remember is that you're not just someone who walked into a shop and bought a console. You're part of a community! A tribe! It's like following a sporting team, only better! Every time Microsoft succeeds, YOU succeed! Every time Sony fails, you can laugh in their faces!
All 360 fanboys are your brothers, so remember to close ranks and gang up on all competition when discussing gaming online. Xbox Über Alles! Never forget just how much is at stake: your format, your honour, your very identity!
Secondly: Always remember to take an authoritative tone. There's no need to justify yourself on the internet. For all some Sony fan knows, you could be Bill Gates himself! So don't be afraid to get involved — go in there with all guns blazing!
Thirdly, use rhetoric to get the upper hand. Don't let one or two minor facts get in the way of victory! Here's an example to get you started: the old 'Straw Man' attack. This is where you make the case that the other guy is some kind of horrible person, then verbally rape them for their crimes. This is most effective when the Straw Man you make up is as similar to the real target as possible. For instance, all the characters in the Disgaea games look like little kids. Yet many of them wear raunchy, midriff-exposing mini-skirts. You could make the case that since that sort of thing would only look sexy to a paedophile, all PlayStation fans are paedophiles.
Even though that (probably) isn't true, if you write your accusations skilfully enough, you can make them RING true. This can be enough to rally opinion to your side, and shame your opponents into submission. Rhetoric really works! Check out more rhetorical tricks online, or watch Question Time in parliamentary house to see how it works in real life.
